Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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