he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
