so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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