No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
