my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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