My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
