My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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