So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize