I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
