Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
