I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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