walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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