I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
