oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
