i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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