tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
