I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need to align my fucking chakras
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
