We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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