2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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