I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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