I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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