End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize