My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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