How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
