I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
