at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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