no. you can't hotbox the world.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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