Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
