piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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