did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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