where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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