dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
