drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
