You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
