my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think my moral compass just broke
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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