So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
