Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
