Need sex. Gaining weight.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
