On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
