so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
