I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
