Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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