I want to have your abortion
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
