totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
