Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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