I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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