go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
