I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
