I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my shit smells like andre
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
