I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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