At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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