don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
