One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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