Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
