how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
