I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
