New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
