Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
