my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
