So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish they made helmets for livers.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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