if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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