Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize