Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
