peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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